Friday, January 30, 2009

''it's your duty'' rape is rape...you have the right to say no even if it is your partner/ husband

Marital Rape
The main differences between stranger rape and marital rape
Different types of rape
The problem of defining Marital Rape as Rape
Further information and resources on Marital Rape
Poll: Do you think Marital/Intimate Rape should be penalised the same as Stranger Rape?
Recovering from Marital Rape: a Personal Journey
Rape is Rape.

Rape is rape, regardless of the relationship between the rapist and the victim. It can be a total stranger; someone you recognise by sight, but have never really communicated with; someone you know superficially, a neighbour or a colleague; a friend, a boy-friend or a former boyfriend; a live-in partner, or a former partner; someone you are married to or have been married to in the past.

Rape is a very personal and intimate traumatic experience. Our experiences of and reactions to rape may differ widely, and although there are many similarities in the way that we feel about being the victim of rape, regardless of the relationship between us and the rapist, there are differences between stranger and intimate rape, and in this section I am trying to describe and offer an understanding of some of the specific problems regarding marital rape (or rape by an intimate) as opposed to stranger rape.

Please note that in this page I refer to wives and husbands, however, it can be understood to refer to all rapes perpetrated by an intimate. Also, I am only looking at rape and sexual assault on women, since this is by far the most common situation, though rape and sexual abuse also occur too frequently in same-sex relationships.

The main differences between stranger rape and marital rape
Stranger rape is usually a one-off, someone you don't know, with whom you don't share any experiences or history. When the assault happens, there can be no doubt as to what is happening: that it is Rape (though even in such situations the victim will often wonder what she has done to precipitate the assault and will blame herself). In marital rape the circumstances are very different. It is - quite apart from a physical and sexual violation - a betrayal of trust. Here is a person whom you thought you knew intimately, with whom you share a history, a home and quite often children. Here is a person whom you have made love to on a frequent basis often over many years, with whom you have shared your most intimate secrets and fears, and whom you believe to love you, want the best for you, who would never intentionally hurt you. Marital rape is so destructive because it betrays the fundamental basis of the marital relationship, because it questions every understanding you have not only of your partner and the marriage, but of yourself. You end up feeling betrayed, humiliated and, above all, very confused.

"When it is the person you have entrusted your life to who rapes you, it isn’t just physical or sexual assault, it is a betrayal of the very core of your marriage, of your person, of your trust."
Also, while stranger rape is a sexual act of violence outside (as in: apart from) the victims normal relationships, marital rape has to be understood in the context of an abusive relationship, that is, in the context of emotional and possibly physical abuse.

One of the differences between stranger and intimate rape is that stranger rape will nearly always involve a certain degree of physical violence (one notable exception to this is rape involving the date rape drug) while a lot of cases of marital rape will involve coercion and only enough force to control the victim, known as 'force-only' rapes (see below).

Another problem victims of marital rape face is that such instances are rarely a one-off, but a repeated if not frequent occurance. This can be a huge issue to the victim, because she will feel as though she has somehow 'asked for it' by staying or putting herself in the situation where it can happen again. Also, once it has been tolerated on a number of occassions, she may question her right to then act upon it.

Different types of rape
Marital rape is generally sub-divided into three categories: those rapes which involve a degree of violence, those that use enough force to control the victim, known as 'force-only' rapes, and sadistic rapes.

Violent rape occurs, as the name suggests, when the abuser uses enough physical violence to cause injury to the victim, apart from any injuries due to the rape itself, ie injuries to the genital area or breasts. Examples would include the husband punching his wife or injuring her with a knife - the rape being part of a violent assault, or the violence being a part of the rape. Many abusers will also force their wives to submit to sexual acts after a physical assault, either to prove her forgiveness or to further intimidate and humiliate her - and if the wife should refuse such an act, even the threat of further violence (or a previous experience!) will soon ensure her compliance.

'Force-only' rape is usually understood to include only enough force used on the part of the abuser to control or hold his wife in position, eg holding down the victim by her arms or wrists to prevent her defending herself or escaping. This form of rape is common where there is a larger contrast between the physical size and strength of abuser and victim, or in abusive relationships where physical violence is infrequent or non-existent (insofar as one does not categorise sexual assault itself as a violent act). In most cases of 'force-only' rape, coercion plays a large part. The victim may also be so confused and numbed by constant emotional abuse, that she simply does not know how to act or react when sex is forced on her.

Sadistic rape is sometimes also present. This tends to indicate that in addition to the rape itself, the victim is either forced to comply with or undergo deeds designed to further humiliate her. Examples of this would be the abuser/rapist urinating on the victim, acting out a fantasy of torturer, or using other object during a rape. Sadistic rape may or may not involve further violence. Some people consider buggery as a sadistic form of rape, since its effect on victim is often particularly humiliating.

It is difficult defining clear-cut lines between the different types of rape, since rape can involve any of the above or a combination of them. For instance, the rapist may use coercion tactics and enough force to control the victim initially, but then use increased violence if the victim struggles. Many victims of marital rape feel guilty for not having struggled more, or have been told that if they did not try to physically fight their abuser and thereby sustained injuries, that it is not 'real rape'. This can be extremely distressing and add to the trauma already experienced. What has to be remembered is that when you are living with your abuser, you are often very finely tuned to him, employing numerous coping mechanisms to limit the damage to yourself: you may realise either consciously or subconsciously that if you struggle, he is likely to get violent or take his anger out on you in other ways.

"I tried to push him off me, so he grabbed both my arms and flung them above my head, held them there and continued ... He held my arms by the wrists with one of his hands and held them so tight and with so much of his weight on them, that they really hurt and then started losing any sensation. When he finally let go I did not make the same mistake again ..."
Other reasons a woman may not fight back are so as not to disturb children sleeping nearby, thereby risking them witnessing the rape; shock or confusion at what is happening which paralyses her; and real concern for her abuser, which results in her not wanting to do anything which may harm or injure her rapist even to the detrement of herself.

Research seems to indicate that in the context of an abusive relationship, the woman is most likely to be subjected to rape towards the end of the relationship, or after she has left, though several women have reported that their boyfriends raped them at the very beginning of their relationship - which is reminiscent of the ancient custom of capturing and raping women to be able to claim them as wives. It would appear that where rape starts in an established relationship, that rape is often used by an abuser when other control tactics, such as isolation or emotional abuse are no longer sufficient to maintain his power and hold over her, or to punish her for either leaving or trying to leave. Only too often, this works.

Did you know ...
Marital Rape was only made a criminal act in the UK in 1991? Up until then it was considered impossible for a man to rape or sexually assault his wife. To quote:
"A husband cannot rape his wife unless the parties are seperated or the court has by injunction forbidden him to interfere with his wife or he has given an undertaking in court no to interfere with her." (The Law Made Simple, The Chaucer Press, 1981)
The problem of defining marital rape as Rape
Many women who are victims of marital rape have great difficulty in defining it as such. The traditional idea that it is impossible for a man to rape his wife and that somehow, in taking our marriage vows we have abdicated any say over our own body and sexuality, basically denied ourselves the right to say 'no', is still prevalent amongst wives as much as amongst their husbands. A wife being raped will often question her right to refuse intercourse with her husband, and while she may realise that legally it now constitutes rape, there are many reasons which may prevent her from perceiving it in such a light.

We prefer to see it possibly as a communication problem (did I make it clear enough that I did not want intercourse tonight), we may see it as an act for which the man is not fully responsible due to his nature (men have a biological need to have sex and if there is a woman next to them in bed when they are in the mood they just cannot help it), we may see it as a misunderstanding (although I told him I didn't want to, maybe I gave him the wrong signals somehow), we may have religious issues which question our right to refuse intercourse (I have got to submit myself to him and accept his will above mine as my Lord and Master).

Basically, as wives being raped by our husbands, we look for every reason, every excuse to deny it is Rape because we do not want to accept the alternative: it is Rape, he is hurting and humiliating us with intent, we can no longer trust him, turn to him in comfort, gain reassurance and protection from his company and our home is no longer safe.

Please don't hurt me, I'm only 10, girl told rapist

Please don't hurt me, I'm only 10, girl told rapist


The youngest victim of an alleged serial rapist wept yesterday as she described how he snatched her from outside a youth club.

Clutching a fluffy toy dog, the 10-year-old girl wiped tears from her eyes while reliving her ordeal at the trial of Antoni Imiela.

Speaking via video link to Maidstone Crown Court, she said she begged the man not to hurt her, explaining she was only 10 years old, as he grabbed her from behind and carried her through stinging nettles into nearby undergrowth.

Imiela, 49, a married railway worker, is accused of raping five women and three girls across the South-East between November 2001 and October 2002. The 10-year-old is said to have been his first victim. He is also charged with kidnapping, indecently assaulting and attempting to rape another 10-year-old girl in Birmingham in November 2002.

Imiela sat emotionless as the girl described how he grabbed her and put his hand over her mouth in Ashford, Kent, in November 2001.

"I said, 'Please don't do anything to me, I'm innocent'. He said, 'I know you are. If you shut up I won't harm you. If you scream or cry or anything I will break your legs or kill you'.

"I knew he was coming over the road, but I didn't know he was going to take me. I'm just a little girl. I don't know about these things."

After her ordeal, she crossed the road and knocked at a door. John Sage, who opened the door, told the court: "She said, 'Can you help me?' She said she had been raped. I took a step back and saw she was wearing only a T-shirt and a sock."

His wife, Louise, said: "She was such a broken little girl. She wasn't crying. She couldn't cry. She looked so lifeless. She stood there rigid and just kept saying she had been raped."

Imiela, of Appledore, near Ashford, denies the charges. The trial continues.

makes my blood boil.
how? why? aaaaaaaaaaargh evil .....mad?................evil...the hurt goes on

david camerons pledge dec 2008

Cameron promises to tackle violence against womenConservative leader's pledge comes as the home secretary, Jacqui Smith, says the government will launch a consultation to find out what can be done to improve the safety of womenHélène Mulholland and agencies
guardian.co.uk, Monday 22 December 2008 16.10 GMT
Article history
David Cameron today pledged that a Conservative government would fund 15 additional rape crisis centres to tackle violence against women.

The Conservative leader promised to spend £2.6m to increase the current network of crisis centres by a third as part of wide-ranging plans to conquer domestic violence, rape, forced marriage and trafficking.

The Tory leader sought to highlight his party's determination to stamp out violence against women as Jacqui Smith, the home secretary, said she was set to launch a consultation to find out what the governmment could do to improve the safety of women "in their homes, at work and in public".

The political commitments from both parties to beef up measures to root out violence against women came as Crimestoppers launched an appeal for people to give information about the domestic abuse of a family member, friend, colleague or neighbour over the Christmas period.

A spokeswoman said changes in the Domestic Violence, Crime and Victims Act 2004 now allowed Crimestoppers to play a "more active part" in asking for information.

There was no risk to the anonymity of the caller, and their information could be "vital" in getting offenders prosecuted.

Crimestoppers spokeswoman Hannah Daws said: "Christmas is a time when many people socialise and invariably their alcohol consumption increases. A large proportion of domestic violence cases involve alcohol so it is important that people are aware that this devastating crime continues throughout the festive season."

Cameron used an interview with the Radio 4's Woman's Hour to promise that a Tory government would implement a cross-departmental strategy on tackling violence against women and ensure that all police recruits receive appropriate training on issues such as domestic violence, stalking, female genital mutilation, rape, "honour"-based violence, and forced marriage.

Three million women in Britain experience violence each year, according to the Tories. Domestic violence accounts for 16% of all violent crime, and over 80% of its victims are women.

The Tory leader said he would end the process of short-term annual funding decisions by introducing stable three-year funding cycles for rape crisis centres.

The proposals, outlined in a document entitled Ending Violence Against Women, also include provisions for the teaching of sexual consent compulsory in the sex education curriculum and clear guidance to teachers about specific forms of violence against women.

Women housed in refuges following domestic violence would also be allowed a "three-month grace period" during which they would not have to seek work in order to qualify for jobseeker's allowance, Cameron explained.

The Tory leader said his party and the government had much "common ground" on the issue of domestic violence.

He said: "We should work together on this very important issue, which is trying to end the violence that takes place against women in our society - 3 million women every year suffer some sort of violent attack.

"I think the difference is that we've produced this document today, which is a cross-departmental strategy, and the government haven't yet done that."

The Tory leader said there were many different forms of violence against women and they required "different answers".

Smith said she was set to launch a consultation to find out what ministers could do to improve the safety of women "in their homes, at work and in public".

She said domestic violence was a "devastating hidden crime" and the government was determined to tackle it in all its forms.

Successful prosecutions against perpertrators have risen from 46% to 72% in the last five years as a result of improvements in the criminal justice system, said Smith.

"We now have 104 specialist domestic violence courts and we have committed over £6m to support the expansion of independent domestic violence advisers and multi-agency risk assessment conferences across the country."

The government was increasing its efforts over the Christmas period through a domestic violence enforcement campaign in 10 police forces, she added.

Smith said: "But we know there is still more to be done, particularly in the area of prevention by better identifying potential victims.I want people to recognise that we all have a role to play in ending violence against women."

Domestic violence can lead to foetal loss

Domestic violence can lead to foetal loss
Friday, 23 Jan 2009 07:56

A new study has found women who experience domestic violence are 50 per cent more likely to lose their baby in at least one pregnancy.

Researchers looked at more than 2,500 pregnant women in Africa and found repeated foetal loss was also associated with all forms of spousal violence, with emotional violence the most commonly linked.

The authors claim their findings support the idea of prenatal screening for spousal violence in Africa, the region with the highest levels of foetal loss in the world.

They add that because a large proportion of risk for recurrent foetal mortality is attributable to spousal violence, and therefore, is potentially preventable.

"Our findings support the idea of routine prenatal screening for spousal violence in the African setting, a region with the highest rate of foetal death in the world."

They add if the prevalence of spousal abuse could be reduced to 50 per cent, 25 per cent, or eliminated completely, preventable excess recurrent foetal loss would be 17 per cent, 25 per cent, and 33 per cent respectively.

In an accompanying comment, Dr Claudia Garcia-Moreno, from the World Health Organisation, said: "More support is needed for education and information for health-care providers and the integration of intimate-partner violence and sexual violence into existing initiatives for maternal, infant, and child health.

"There is also a major need for more research on primary prevention interventions. The focus on foetal outcomes should not detract from the impact of violence on women's health and lives. Violence against women is a violation of their human rights."

REACH OUT , SPEAK OUT, GET OUT !!!!!!

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANYTHING YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH.
FREEDOM OF CHOICE AND RIGHTS.

TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE GONE BEFORE ME.
TO ALL THOSE WHO LAY AHEAD......SPEAK UP.
DON'T SUFFER IN SILENCE.
THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT CAN HELP.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND YOU WILL ONE DAY BE FREE.


VIRTUAL HUGS AND STRENGTH I SEND TO YOU